I'm still not Nellie Bly.

The message just isn't reaching the people who need to hear it, so let me try again.

My name is Deborah Markus. I edit a magazine called Secular Homeschooling. I contribute material to it, too.

I'm a lousy liar, and I like it when people know who I am and what I do.

That means that if I'm angry about something that you did -- maybe you lied to the homeschooling community in an effort to sell them your product, or you tried to get me to back down on my no-religion-no-anti-religion advertising policy, or you lied or talked trash about homeschooling, or threatened to turn me in to the authorities because I homeschool -- I will tell you that I'm angry. And I'll tell you just who it is who's angry.

I'm not being cute.

If at all possible, I will give you the chance to fix whatever mistake you made before I start screaming loudly enough for everyone to hear. You could take down that Internet article about how homeschooling is actually illegal. You could back off when my advertising manager says "No, thank you." You could apologize for the trash-talk.

What you can't do is expect me to keep my trap shut if you don't mend your ways.

You can't do your best imitation of Edith Wharton on her wedding night when I tell everyone who'll listen that you were a bad boy.

(Sorry to sound sexist. All the examples listed above are deeds that were committed by men. Men who underestimated me, possibly because I'm female and little and cute. Or maybe just because I'm female. Don't know. Don't care. Just want it to stop.)

The latest specimen on the list of idiots I have to deal with for no better reason than that I woke up this morning is stunned and indignant that I'm going to talk about him in an article.

You may have heard of him. The blog he contributes to rhymes with "Bleacher, Devised." He posted his email address on said blog and urged homeschoolers to get in touch with him. In my very first email to him, I mentioned twice that I'm a writer, twice that I'm an editor, and sent him a link to "The Bitter Homeschooler's Wish List," which could basically be summed up as an example of the kind of writing I'm capable of when people say stupid things about homeschooling and homeschoolers.

The guy's astounded at the news that I'll be writing about him.

I'm so tired of having to say it.

I'm a writer.

If you piss me off and it's about homeschooling, I will write about you.

I'm not saying that's a huge threat. I'm not saying I'm famous and my minions will eat you. I'm not saying I expect what I write to do any good at all. I'm certainly not saying you can't write about me.

I'm saying: I'm a writer. I write stuff. I have a job writing for a magazine. Writing is my knee-jerk response to stress of any kind.

I'm going to make a link to this particular posting part of my signature line, just so I don't have to keep explaining.

You're right. It won't help.

But it was kind of fun to say, anyway.