I Wish He Knew How to Quit Me

You may recall an incident with a would-be advertiser that I blogged about here several months ago. It was back when Gail, my advertising guru, first started working with me, and she netted an advertiser whose products, to put it mildly, weren't appropriate for SHM; and I decided that I wouldn't accept their ad even if they offered three quarters of a million dollars (which the record should show that they didn't).

For the whole story, see "The $750,000 Question":

http://www.madeditor.com/2008/04/750000-question.html
 
and "My Mad Fixations":

http://www.madeditor.com/2008/05/my-mad-fixations.html
 
A week or two ago, I got an email from someone whose name I didn't recognize. I didn't keep the email, but it said something to the effect that they wanted to get in touch with someone to talk about advertising in SHM.

There's a link right there on the home page of SHM's web site that says "Advertising;" and on that advertising page, it explains that those interested should get in touch with Gail Gallant. But I don't always read the fine print, either, so I kept my grumbling to myself as I replied with Gail's email address and explained that she handles all that.

Yesterday morning, I got another email from the same person, with a subject heading "Information for you to review."

I recognized the name, and wondered why she was getting in touch with me. If this was an ad they wanted me to approve, Gail would have let me know we had someone new who'd be sending something.

I opened the email. At the top, it said "Attached you will find a letter and two brochures for your infomration [sic]."

The letter was from the head of the company that had attempted to get an ad in SHM some six months ago. It read as follows -- and by the way, all punctuation, grammar, and spelling errors are in the original. The original letter from a man who developed a line of educational materials, that is. Not that I'm bitter or anything.
 
Dear Secular Publisher,

Recently, Paradigm Accelerated Curriculum offered to purchase advertisement space in the Secular Home School Magazine. Your advertisement representative had contacted me with the offer on the basis that our textbooks would qualify as a preferred product among your readers. I was highly disappointed and astonished when your representative phoned to inform me that you rejected our product on the basis that "it would not be a good fit" for your customers, of whom some are Jewish and Muslim.
 
Even though I respect your deference to the religious identification of some customers, I believe you are overly cautious about the ostensible negative impact that our curriculum might have on your customers. The noticeable absence of textbook advertisers in your magazine reflects the fact that no substantial publisher is absolutely free of religious impact on American culture and world history.
 
An interesting article recently pointed out the dirth [sic] of information among college freshmen regarding The Reformation and Great Awakening, and references to God in America's founding documents, Articles of Confederation, national anthem, national motto, on coins, and all 50 state constitutions.
 
Paradigm Accelerated Curriculum was established specifically to address two basic needs in the education community:

1. Textbook content that is historically accurate regarding the roles of virtues, principles, and character common in U.S. culture,

2. Textbooks that can be completed with limited oversight by adults who may or may not be competent in course content and essential academic skills common in subjects required of teenagers in pursuit of a high school diploma.
 
Our customer base from Maine to California, Australia, Germany, and China validate [sic] the authority of Paradigm Accelerated Curriculum as a legitimate source of textbooks among home educators of a variety of religious persuasions.
 
For more than 21 years I served as Vice President of a textbook publisher which catered to a sectarian audience worldwide (more than 6,000 schools). However, after involvement with two White House conferences on the Impact of Private Schools on American education, and pilot projects with secular government schools in Honduras, Paraguay, and Nicaragua, I was convinced of the need for a new type of textbook that could be used by anyone, anywhere who wanted solid academics as well as character-building content.
 
Public acceptance of Paradigm Accelerated Curriculum has been gratifying and validating -- proof that we have designed textbooks preferred by educators in both secular and sectarian institutions.
 
If on the basis of this letter or your further reflection on the purpose of the Secular Home Educator, you decide to sell advertising space to Paradigm, please feel free to correspond.
 
I remain respectfully yours,

Ronald E. Johnson, Publisher
 
There are, as I think I mentioned in my first SHM editorial, days when caffeine is redundant.

This missive showed up in my mailbox at 7:30 a.m. I had, for once, gotten up early to exercise, and was just about to cool down and have some breakfast.

Which will teach me to check my email early. I couldn't eat for almost an hour, and adding caffeine to the mix would have had me as hopped up as any speed freak.

I hope I'm not the only one who finds herself dividing at times into the person of mind and the creature of passion. Intellectually, I knew that this was of no consequence. It was just one more person who thought that my poor readers were desperately in need of saving.

Of course, if I were someone who didn't get fired up at that notion, I wouldn't have this job in the first place.

I marveled at the absolute nerve of it. The man had tried to sneak in through a crack in the door by attempting to pass himself off as secular, or at least secular enough. That's the kind of lie certain people who call themselves Christians don't mind saying. They used to call it "equivocating" -- I don't mean that we don't have that word any more, only that it used to have a very specific religious meaning. Basically, you can lie here on earth for a good cause, as long as you're clear with the guy upstairs, and never mind what that little Commandment said to the contrary.

So: first he wants in because he's secular -- no, really.

Then, when that didn't work -- and the way I figured out that his materials were most definitely not of interest to SHM readers was by reading the freebies from his site, fer corn's sake -- he decided to try to bully his way in by arguing that actually what a secular homeschooling magazine needed was something that wasn't secular.

Just before I sit down to compose an answer to this kind of person, I've started hearing this wonderful sound. It's a very cold, clean metallic sound. It's a saber leaving the sheathe.

KKKKK--SSSSHHHHHHHHHIIIIIINNNNNNGG!

I met my husband in a fencing class -- did I ever mention that?

I reminded myself as I wrote that as sleazy as I had every reason to think this guy was, he must have felt genuinely baffled and a little insulted to see that I do accept some advertisers. Because that meant that when I said no to him, I was, well, saying no to him.

Which is the kind of thing that no one enjoys; but I do worry a bit that he let it fester for so long before he decided to contact me about it. Was this such a big deal to him that that's how long it took him to calm down enough to write coherently? I mean, his letter said that he "recently" tried to buy an ad, but six months isn't all that recent on anything but a geologic scale.

At any rate, here is my reply. I think it's comparatively mild. I'll haul out the rough stuff if he decides to give me an argument.
 
Dear Mr. Johnson,

Regarding your letter to me about advertising in Secular Homeschooling Magazine:

First off, and I mean this sincerely: I don't understand why you're contacting me about this some six months after my refusal of your ad. Did something happen to bring it to your mind?

Second, and most important: I refused your advertisement because your materials are not what my readers want. These are homeschoolers. They're already inundated with offers of religiously-oriented materials. They read my magazine to get away from that kind of thing.

There is a difference between teaching about the part religion has played in history, and having a religious focus. Our last issue ran excerpts from a children's book about the Middle Ages; naturally, in order to be accurate, this book had to talk about such religious matters as monks, monasteries, and the Crusades. The book discusses these issues in a factual manner -- not pushing any agenda, but simply showing the world as it was.

Your educational materials are not religiously neutral. They're religious in focus. Just to give the most obvious example, your science lessons are specifically creationist, which my readers don't want.

Your materials are not the first I've refused to advertise in my magazine, and they won't be the last. I will continue to be extremely selective about the ads I accept for Secular Homeschooling Magazine. My readers are happy that I have such stringent guidelines. So am I.

All my best,
Deborah Markus
Editor, Secular Homeschooling Magazine
 
I sent it very late at night, because that's when I get most of my work done. Which means they got it first thing this morning. If someone else ended up eating a bitter breakfast -- hey, I didn't start this fight.