Another Shameless Giveaway: The Official Horrifying Homeschooling Contest

Following the suggestion of one of the many readers of SHM who is way smarter than its editor, I'm having another giveaway. This one is to celebrate the fact that I sold out of copies of issues #1, 2, and 3 at pretty much exactly the same time, so I had to run out to the printer and buy a bunch more. It's the first time that I've had to lug boxes of all three issues at once up the stairs, so I thought I'd share the pain.

It was suggested to me that entrants be required to answer a trivia question based on something from the magazine's site. I realize that I'm showing my shameful lack of business acumen when I say that rather than opting for something that has the potential to drive lots of people to my site, thereby making my advertising guru very happy, I'd much rather make my readers dredge up painful memories and share them with total strangers.

So here's the deal.

I'm having a contest.

As prizes, I'm giving away three copies of Secular Homeschooling Magazine. One each of issues #1, #2, or #3 -- winner's choice.
Issue #1 is the classic first edition, featuring The Bitter Homeschooler's Wish List. Issue #2 has lots of great articles, including several about Charlotte Mason. Issue #3 is the latest, and has several really meaty articles, one about how to pull together your own secular homeschooling curriculum.

You can see more details about any and all of them, including full tables of contents and a few articles to read for free, at the magazine's web site:

http://www.secular-homeschooling.com

I'm also giving away an Ultra Grand Prize three-pack of issues #1, #2, and #3.

In order to enter this contest, please email me (don’t post them here) your name, email address, mailing address, AND:

your most hilariously horrifying homeschooling story.

Here, from a friend of mine, is a perfect example of the kind of thing I'd like to see. (This wasn't ME, okay? If you want true-life horror from my life, just check out the Real Bad Mommies site. Unless an anecdote explicitly mentions female children, of which I have none, odds are good that it's from my own hall of shame.)
 
"One time (ONLY one time) to illustrate an idea, I had my kids make little red flags out of construction paper and popsicle sticks, and when I purposely said something wrong, they would wave their red flags and get to correct me. Well, about 3 weeks later I finally rounded up the battered red flags (by now there were dozens of unauthorized copies) and told them if they waved one more red flag at me EVER again there would never be any more construction paper in the house till they were in college (frantic waving of red flags...till which of us are in college Mommy...all of us or just the oldest one? Do you mean all the colors of construction paper, or just red? Is card stock actually construction paper? Why aren't you going to take away the popsicle sticks, too?)"
 
This dear woman also once publicly admitted that she'd been giving her kids a lesson in social studies, and it wasn't until she'd been speaking for several minutes, mentioning one European country in particular, that her husband looked at her with a bemused expression and said, "Wait a minute -- Hungaria???" Seriously, I am the luckiest homeschooler in the world, having a gem like this as part of my park group.

Back to the contest. This probably goes without saying, but these should be stories that humiliate harassed, hardworking parents, not their (kinda) innocent offspring.

Also, if you send in a story, understand that I may print it either on this site or in the magazine, or both if I'm feeling particularly mean. You may specify that you only want me to use your first name, and you may change your children's names altogether (or ask me to). I'm not looking to ruin anyone's life here. I just want the chance to laugh at your pain.

If things work out all right, I'm going to be at a conference in a couple of weeks; so just to give me time to recover from that, and also to have a little time to get the word out about this, let's say that Friday, August 8, 2008 is the deadline for sending in your true tale of terror.

After that, I'll read through all the entries and make the difficult decision as to who really is the most entertainingly awful homeschooling parent out there.

I'll post the grand prize winner's entry, as well as the three runners up. If I get a lot of good stuff, there may be some Honorable Mentions posted, too.

Remember -- send these to ME. Don't post them as comments to this site.

Here's a useful description of my email address:

deborah at [but use the "at" symbol, not the actual word "at"] 2ds dot org

This contest is open to entry by anyone -- male or female, American resident or otherwise. I'm already broke from paying the printer; I may as well go bankrupt in style and spring for international postage, should it come to that.

May the worst homeschooler win.