Some things I'll do when every subscriber has her first issue and the hate mail about the bitter list has slowed down a bit:

1. Get a haircut. I'd get a new hair style, but that would imply that I have one now. At this point, I'll settle for getting rid of the worst dead ends and (maybe) not being mistaken for an extra from a Duran Duran video.

2. Buy a blouse that doesn't have a cartoon character or funny slogan on it. I dressed like a grownup the other day and was surprised at how much fun it was. Wouldn't want to make a habit of it, but nice to have it as an option.

3. Go on that I'm-only-five-pounds-away-from-physical-perfection diet. I don't know how people who have real jobs manage to lose weight if they want to, but when I'm not eating, that's pretty much all I'm doing.

4. Bake a batch of my famous three-chocolate brownies.

5. Work on my sense of timing.

6. Buy date book and start using it.

7. Replace bulb in refrigerator.

8. Try to find out why in God's name refrigerator keeps making that horrifying noise.

9. And why it keeps freezing the strawberries but letting the milk go sour all in the same day.

10. Just get a new refrigerator, already.

11. Take long, vanilla-scented-oil bath with a big stack of books and a box of chocolate creams close at hand so I'm not tempted to get out any time soon. Make it clear to beloved family that no reason on this green earth could possibly be compelling enough to justify a knock on the door. If my sister in Oregon who hasn't spoken to me in a year and a half calls, she can wait another hour to hear my voice. And considering the layout of our apartment, there's no way I'll be able to get to safety if there's a fire, so don't bother telling me about it. Just blow me a kiss as you leave, and don't worry -- I'm the one in the room with all the water, remember?

12. Start planning the next issue of the magazine, since I now know that just because it's a quarterly doesn't mean I can waste a single minute, especially if I'm working toward making it a bimonthly after the fourth issue.

13. Swear to self that will definitely take that last one seriously, but first must decide what to dress up as for Halloween next year. Something the very opposite of my usual self, presumably. Someone who doesn't know how to spell, read, or care about commas; and who does know how to drink, dance, and have a good time. Which seems to narrow my choices down to Daisy Buchanan from The Great Gatsby and evil Willow from the alternate-universe episodes of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." Evil Willow a much better choice, because though evil, still better than Daisy, who isn't evil in the sense of being a demonically-possessed member of the legions of the undead, but is really, really annoying. Plus I don't have the right hair to be her anyway. Am a redhead. So wouldn't have to fake anything to be Willow but a bustline and evilness.

14. Get priorities straight. (Note to self:  do this one last.)